Luverly Jubberlee

Dear Mrs Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg-Sachsen-Coburg und Gotha,

Thanks for the extra day's holiday next week (tho frankly, I wasn't exactly in dire need of one, currently), and congratulations on keeping your job-for-life for life.

Hope there aren't any pending restructures due in your department, as I'm not sure there are others in the organisation capable of keeping such a discreetly low profile. Maybe your "God" will get you a gold clock for your long service, so you will be able to tell the time. In case it slips her mind, by the time you read this, it'll be well into the 21st century. Thought you should know.

By the way - that money I've been sending you. Could you let me know when I get some of it back? I assume you haven't had time to spend it all... Anyway I'm sure you know best.

Oh, and I heard from Scotland. They were asking if you still needed them, as they have some stuff they'd like to be getting on with...

Good luck with the faith protecting and the military stuff and whatnot. Perhaps you could open some more schools and hospitals soon, like you used to? That would be nice. Perhaps Mr "Mountbatten" would buy you a new hat for that kind of work. Though it may be better if you leave him at home, in case you encounter some of our "newer" Britons.

Anyway, happy whatever. Unfortunately I won't be able to make the party, as I'm washing my hair that year, but I hope there's plenty of jelly and custard (as it's much easier to chew). I do look forward to the universal suffrage centennial in 6 years' time; perhaps you'd like to join the rest of us for that celebration? Please let us know, as tickets for women will be limited.

Kind regards,
A Serf.

PS. Could you let me know how long the bunting needs to be up? I'm just asking for health and safety reasons, really, as it makes me want to stab somebody.