Fistful of Euros

This is gonna sound depressing. But please bear with me. There are some jokes thrown in. See if you can spot them. Special prize for those that make the effort.

Hooray!

The once-in-generation chance to vote on an issue is upon us. Hooray!

Eejits

Folk like me posted their vote aleady. It should feel empowering to vote in something more lasting than a crappy election, which we can change our minds about 4 or 5 years later if we got it badly wrong (although granted, we often vote the same eejits back in).

But it aint like that. For several reasons.

Lies

First, atrocious campaigns (2 kinds of in, 2 kinds of out), are peddling all kinds of lies, distortions and dog-whistles. Some vaguely plausible, some outrageously false. All randomly or disproportionately received by an alternatively sceptical or gullible electorate. Most of it simply reinforces pre-supposed beliefs or prejudice anyway, so all kinda pointless really.

Cynical

From my tinpot training in local politics, I know that an activist is rarely interested in persuasion. All canvassing was exactly that. Capturing opinion and voting intention. Then this is followed up by concentrating on getting that vote to the polls. Low turnout (for your opponent) is your cynical friend.

Fear

The last general election, superbly orchestrated by mendacious Ozzie apparatchik Lynton Crosby, effectively played the fear card, while addressing only those most likely to actually vote. The intention and successful tactic of ignoring the disaffected and disconnected young and/or (non-)working class worked better than ever. Blair gnashed his teeth at the outrageous irony. Then sniffed and went back to counting his piles of cash.

Murdoch

Couple this trend with increasingly well-honed media complicity gained from years of kow-towing to, and courting of the elite, and new ideas struggle to flourish.

Thatcher

There was something initially encouraging about Corbyn's runaway success last year. Traditional Labour sympathisers wanted to give the cynicism of the New Labour project a severe kick in the nuts for stealing Thatcher's clothes and trying to frame "appealing to the centre ground" as if it was a laudable aim, rather than that same low-road of ignoring those less likely to vote and trying to appeal to those more drawn to selfish self-interest than the common good. The feeling was that Corbynites were voting for positive change, but in all probability, it was still about the blame game and punishing the others.

Wise

So the electorate has got wise to low-handed political tactics, has it? Well, yes and no.

Punishment

Yes there is a palpable backlash which punishes the perceived enemy rather than encourage those that promise a more positive or caring approach. It's like wanting your opposition to lose the game more than wanting your own team to win. But we should be careful what we wish for.

Danger

The clear and present danger is that we fall for another (potentially worse flavour) of the same thing. By posing as the antidote, some equally or more unsavoury characters seem persuasive, taking advantage of an electorate bent on revenge. In reality they are far from that.

Hitler

At the risk of "losing the argument by invoking Hitler", that is precisely the phenomenon that propelled some pretty nasty "democratic" revolutions of times past. Preying on cynicism and disproportionately apportioning blame on "others" (race, religion, lifestyle, political movements, or the entire political elite) works. It blinds people to the failings of their chosen team by constantly drawing attention to the cheating bastards on the other side. Quite simply, this is magician's misdirection. And we are falling for it in increasing numbers lately.

Blame

This often happens in history. Whenever there are problems or at least perceived problems in a society, blame is king. So the argument is all about successfully pinning that blame on groups with less influence, carefully chosen to bolster your own agenda.

Jews

Did Jews really cause the great depressions of the 20s and 30s, or the decline of German power? Enough voters were persuaded so at the time. Look where that got them. The depression, like most major events, was caused by a myriad of things. But pinning it on a religion, its adherents and descendents is clearly preposterous. Hopefully this is something we now instinctively understand and accept. Don't we? I said DON'T WE?

Stab

Yet here we are again. When a white-skinned Christian stabs a bloke in a carpark, do we blame all of Christianity? Or all people from Canterbury?

Burn

Did Catholics really threaten our well-being in the 16th century? Did we really need to burn heretics in the middle ages?

Brown

But as we know, we are increasingly encouraged to think in those terms if the knife wielder is Muslim (or even just brown).

Socks

Perhaps we should be worried about people who wear stripey socks. They just don't share our values.

Have we learned nothing?

School

Is economic migration or benefit tourism the reason your kid can't get into your school of choice? Or is it perhaps successive government policies of choice, cuts, or education system mismanagement?

Are scrounging immigrants stopping your gran get a new hip? Really? What makes you think that?

Murdoch

Who is encouraging this? Will leave that question hanging here...

Stupid

Surely it's just "the economy, stupid?" We can peddle out some facts or simple maths showing how unclaimed benefits and system errors outweigh the effect of false claims, and that the numbers involved are in any case dwarfed by the blow to to economy and service provision caused by an over-complex tax system that benefits the better off, the super rich, the avoiders, evaders and large cynical corporates, who are all legally bound to benefit shareholders above society at large.

Nice

But as this campaign shows, nobody is interested in accurate information. We just want our prejudices pampered. And if that means accepting and believing lies, then who cares? It's nice to be pampered.

Harmless

Most of us made our mind up about the EU ages ago, so lets indulge in some "harmless" nonsense while we wait for the result to hit home.

Elite

Of course, we could simply realise that the world is a complex place, and lots of things need fixing to make it better. What about some positive ideas to make that happen? What about working together, rather than letting the elite divide and rule as always, pitting us against our neighbour?

Speed

Many of my best friends wear stripey socks. If a policy is good for them, it could be good for us all. Though I'm sure I got my last speeding ticket cos I was distracted by some woman in hideous leggings.

Blind

Why this massive diatribe on all things? Surely this is just about the EU? And the European Court of Human Rights, obviously, cos we don't care that it is entirely unrelated to the EU and was set up (by us!) to try Rudolf Hess & co. Don't let facts blind your one eye now - it's too late for that.

Help

But this isn't about the EU is it? If it was, we could discuss its successes, failings, what we'd like it to be, and whether being in it would help. Like, you know, adults.

Sofa

Personally speaking, I always find shouting at my team from the sofa has a massive impact on their performance. I support Wolves. See how effective that's been over the years? Ok they're rarely televised but you get my point.

Beach

So instead, we're asked to vote on lies and distortions, when we should be thinking about what the result (or just the trauma of deciding) will have at home. Or abroad, if we like better beaches.

Worse

Whatever the result, it looks likely to usher in a worse kind of Tory government (yes, kids, that is a thing).

Proud

Alongside that, it seems set to cement increased and lasting antipathy to "others", which can be anything from disproportionate blame on immigration to outright racism and division. Lovely. Aren't we all such nice people? What a proud nation we are!

Thinking

In fact, we really should be thinking about who actually governs us. If we think it's the EU, how do we make that work better for us? If we think it's the UK or local government, then what is the best approach for that?

Windbag

If we think politicians are just neutered windbags, then it's the economy, or the way society operates. So how can we fix that to our mutual benefit? Maybe we should plan to bomb Parliament. It worked so well for Guido and his pals. Look how easy it is for Catholics to get benefits now.

Catastrophic

It aint by heeding the lies of these catastrophic campaigns. It's by waking up and being constructive. At least base your vote on that. Cos we may not get another chance to have such a profound effect on our own society for another 40 years.

Obscene

And and if you don't wanna vote in or out, please register your contempt in time-honoured fashion by drawing something obscene on your ballot paper. They get counted too. Yes really. Remember I dabbled in election night games - you see some fabulously imaginative stuff.

Special

And now there's an ad for Now That's What I Call Rock Ballads on telly. Maybe that should be the special prize. Dinner for two and cabaret with REO Speedwagon.

Wish

Like I said, be careful what you wish for.